The reason I am still sane…

There was an elderly couple that used to come to the church I go to.  The husband was 94 and the wife was 83.  Both seemed like they could continue to live on forever.  Alas death came with a swift hand and took the wife in the middle of the night by a severe heart attack.  All was surprised by the fact that she had died first.  But to I what was profound was that she was his root to reality, if you will.  After she died he was in his own world, it was quite sad to at the viewing he had no idea who she was.  He would ask “Who is that?” to one of his family members about his wife or “Who are you?” to a sister or a brother, he had did not know who anybody was.

Why would I bring this up?  Well you see I have someone who makes me more sane/ less insane.  Every time we talk or text the voices stop, my mood brightens, and everything is better no matter how bad it was.  They are the only one that seem to care and are always there for me when I need to talk to someone and the one that gets me out of my head.

Update #3

Well this week has been interesting I must say.  Wednesday I told my boss about my situation, he was actually supportive and asked if he can help in anyway.  I was glad to finally tell him about what is going on because why kind of close.  Thursday I actually did something on my day off besides go to work.  I went to the mall with my sister, it was lots of fun. Thursday night I saw a figure that looked like my mother, after a bit with no light on I asked my sister where was mom and she said in bed.  I looked in her room and sure enough there she was sound asleep.

Friday was the most interesting and fun. At work I saw two or three figures, out of the corner of my eye, whispering to each other and laughing. When I looked over no one was there. Also I heard more from the older gentleman that I talked about in my lost post.  He laughed, the customer I was helping was laughing, her 11 month old baby was, and I was laughing until I heard him from inside her car. Naturally I stopped when I heard him and began searching for answers. Like is there a male that fits the voice around? Was it me? Was it the groceries?  Later on that same day I heard him say “My god!” I am still wondering why he said that at that time during the conversation I was having.  But after all of that it was a good friend of mines last day at our store.  It was said for I was the one that trained him, even though it was how to bag groceries. What really got us close was a dream he had. It was like Top Gun the movie I was Mavric and he was Iceman, it was a crazy dream but I’m not going into details. And finally a few hours ago I just finished my last round of lazer tag. My two friends that I was with and I got 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, I took 2nd.

Now I am at one of their house spending the night so we can do some sort of composition. It from 12 noon to 10pm and you when $200!  I’m pumped for it, also writing all this on my phone at 2am was not that fun.

Update on my life

Well my parents told me earlier today that we are going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow (which is really today because it is 12:08 as I write this.)  Not that excited to be honest, although I will get a professional opinion of what I have.   One bad thing is that I have work later on that day which means I get to think about what the good doctor has for the rest of the day.  So I will probably have a really bad day at work.  Anyways wish my luck and I will tell you all the news as soon as I can!

#5 My Journey to the Mountains of Madness

Upon further observation of myself, I have found that I am starting to… misinterpret what I see.  Example would be seeing a black scarf and thinking it was a cat.  I have to take a double  glance at it, asking “we don’t cat?”  Also I am not understanding what people say, they have to say it around three times before I can fully understand what they are saying.  It’s like the words don’t make any sense to me.  Like it’s another language that I barely understand.  Is this how you start losing your grip on reality?  Is this how insanity, craziness, or being psychotic begins?

#3 My Journey to the Mountains of Madness

Every now and then I get these horrific thoughts.  Thoughts such as “If i take this corner faster turn a bit sharper I could roll this truck and maybe kill my sister.” Why would I do that to one out of the two people that actually care for me.  Some are of skinning people I work with alive, another reason I don’t carry a knife on me anymore.  Thoughts like smashing the brains out of someone.  Why…WHY do I think this!  Nobody hears me, people ask whats wrong but what can I say?  Oh I’m just thinking about killing you.  This is the reason I made this blog, so I can tell you about my life and you don’t know me and I don’t know you.

“I have looked upon all that the universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and the flowers of summer must even afterward be poison to me.” -H.P. Lovecraft

Is this good or bad?

Before I can tell the story I must give you boring details so you can understand at the end. One night, just another night at where I work, I was counting all the money we had made that day.  I was in a small room by myself with the safe, a computer, and an intercom.  The intercom plays the same music that the whole store plays, but at a quitter level.  Now when someone pages over the intercom, the music is muted (very important remember that).

Now on to the good part!  I’m counting money and listening to the music when I here “Hey…Hey…Hey” from the intercom with the music still playing.  Now you might ask how is this good or bad?  You’re hearing things that is bad.  Well the voice I heard was a girl that I like and her voice is soothing to me.  So even though I am hearing voices (which is bad) it was from the girl I love (which is good).

Please comment and tell me what you think. 🙂